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GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE MAY 16, 1997

The

Gay Comedy Jam

DIRECT FROM LAS VEGAS!

"Freedom Tour '97"

STARRING SCOTT KENNEDY

GAY STAND-UP COMICS

PERFORMING

GAY STAND-UP COMEDY NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED

AND ACCLAIMED

GAY HEAD LINERS

AS FEATURED IN

THE ADVOCATE MAGAZINE & HBO'S COMEDY CHANNEL,

CELEBRATING

GAY PRIDE MONTH!

ON NATIONAL TOURI

STARRING KEVIN MAYE

Tickets: $12 Advance/$15 Day Of Show, Plus Tax No Coupons/Discounts▼ Advance Purchase Recommended

AKRON, OHIO ONE NIGHT ONLY! MONDAY ▼ JUNE 9 ▼ 8:00 PM

HILARITIES COMEDY CLUB

For Ticket/Show Info. Call

(330) 923-4700 1546 State Road Cuyahoga Falls, OH

TICKETS ON SALE NOW!

IML Weekend • Chicago O LORD, WE'RE COMING TOGETHER!

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at CONVENT

529 West Armitage

(at Elston) (773)-395-8660

Doors Open 10 pm til 4 am Admission 2 for 1 with

invite/ad ALL NIGHT $5 w/out

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The Official Opening Sunday, May 25th Experience the Joy of

SALVATION

at Large

Miami's Most Sensational Gay Club featuring

D.J. JO JO ODDYESSY

One of South Beach's star talents Direct from Salvation and Club Liquid With The Glamorous Hostess

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& The Hottest Latin GoGo Boys Rubio, Kid Mahoney & Company *Decor and Visuals by Salvation

BIG TIPS

Can a butch be a bottom? Can a bottom be a top?

by M.T. "the Big Tipper” Martone

There are some things in life you can count on. The appearance of a comet inevitably presages a spiritual suicide or two. A white towel, having been washed with a black load, never quite snaps back to its original snowy self. And, no matter how many spoons are in my silverware drawer, I'll always eat with the same one.

Now, almost everyone secretly has a favorite spoon. It's the perfect size for soup or cereal, and your tongue never freezes to the bottom when you're eating ice cream. It would never do you wrong.

Thus, I was shocked to discover my fickle nature when, after some thrift shopping last week during which I picked up some "new" flatware, I found myself reaching for one of the new spoons repeatedly. Good lord: I had a new favorite.

I still use the old fave sporadically, out of habit, but I think we both know it's over. I'd like to say I'll remember the earlier one fondly as I enjoy future pints of Cherry Garcia, but I know time will blur the memory. As a matter of fact, I'll probably forget about it in about two or three more days. This isn't making me look good, is it?

Dear Big Tipper,

I recently met a wonderful man. I sat next to him on a plane ride down from New York City and we really hit it off. We have been dating for two and half months now, and all is good except he believes that we are both bottoms. He does not want to end the relationship, because to him sex is an important thing, but not enough to forget about me.

What can I do to assure him that I am versatile, and that he should not worry that I would go and look for sex somewhere else in the future? He is 36 and I am 24, and we are falling in love fast. We both want to wait to have sex anyway, but do not want this to pose a problem in our future.

I think sex is very important, but he is the first man that I have actually fallen in love with, and I will do or sacrifice anything to be with him. He just does not want me to sacrifice sex. But if being with him means I will do anything to make us and him happy as well as myself, and give him what he wants, then why is he having such a hard time believing I can do that?

I have had so much sex in my life that when I'm with him it's enough that we kiss and I give him what he wants. Help! I can be the top he wants, I swear, and I am just not saying that to be with him and I am scared he thinks that I am.

Dear Bottoms Up,

Willing to Switch

Folks can switch back and forth, or they can go over to the "other side" for good, so it's not insane that you believe you can roll over and give your honey what he wants.

However, many of us have a decided sexual/sensual bent: There are some things that we just find hotter than others. We tend to love to feel the breeze on our keister, or the friction of the sheets on our heinies. As a budding lesbian, I was under the impression that everything was dreamy and fair if I did

her, then she did me, and everything was fairsy squaresy. But as time passed, and friends talked, and I “got” more, it seemed to be that some people liked to throw 'em down more, and some liked to compel being thrown down.

Now, gay men seem to have a more rigid top/bottom oriented culture, because penises just love to be poked into spaces like butts and mouths, and that can be roughly compared to mainstream heterosexual intercourse, in which the poker is the "top" and the pokee is the "bottom."

In relationships that last over time, those roles need to be manipulated to provide satisfaction for both partners, since self-sacrifice rarely gets you off. Your honey is older than you are, so he's had more time to figure out what has historically given him pleasure, and also the distance between what a lover wants to be able to do, and what he is actually able to maintain over time.

Sex is important in a sexual relationship, or you'd "love him, but as a friend." Kissing will ultimately not be enough. Tap your new inner top identity, and tell your boyfriend you'll do what it takes, but you also want to take it. And time will just tell. Love him while ya got him.

Dear Big Tipper,

I am an androgynous lesbian (read: frequently mistaken for male in women's restrooms). Most of my girlfriends have been femme, a few have been butch.

I am not really into SM, although I do identify more (60 to 75%) as a bottom as opposed to a top. It has been a few years since I've been on the dating/available scene. As I quest for my next sex partner/ possible life partner, how can I tell if a butch or a femme woman is more top than bottom?

Dear Topsy Turvy,

"Getting It" Right

This is an extremely important issue, so I turned to the mighty, mighty Sue Hyde, Boston activist and arbiter of butch/femme issues extraordinaire.

Apparently, your confusion is not misplaced. Sue confirms my suspicion that, while one's identity as a butch or a femme is about the vibes you send, from a distance whether someone will actually have their backs glued to the mattress or they'll want to toss you down is inscrutable. Hence the lesbian adage, "Butch on the streets, femme in the sheets." (Or more accurately, "Butch on the streets, bottom in the sheets." Or "femme on the streets...")

Sue recommends taking a tumble with the candidates as the only true test. Not that bad a brand of research.

(All of this mystery is theoretically precluded by "flagging": hanky codes which very specifically indicate who wants to do what or receive what type of attentions. You'd be surprised though, to find how many lefthanky types wouldn't mind a little belly up time.) ♡

Send your burning questions on life and love to M.T. Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone@drizzle.com.

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